A few days ago, as I sat in my motionless car waiting for traffic on the surprisingly congested, fog-shrouded back road to move so that I could get to work, I happened to glance to my right at the pond that stood beside the road. The water was still in the cool morning air, a thin mist rising from it as the first shafts of the morning sun penetrated the branches of the surrounding pine trees. A swan sat serenely swimming (say that five times fast), fluffing its feathers, oblivious to the world beyond its immediate surroundings.
As I gazed upon the swan, I found myself envious of the simplicity of the scene, struck anew by a desire to simplify my life. I say "anew" because it's not the first time I've wished my life were simpler. I also know that I'm not the first (nor will I be the last) to make that wish. We live in frenetic -- nay, frenzied -- times, and it seems easier than ever to get caught up in the cycle of day-to-day responsibilities and activities, running from one thing to the next with barely a pause for breath.
I'm sure the litany of things that consume my time would be similar to that of many of my friends. There's work (of course), gaming, theater rehearsals, family gatherings and events, outings with friends, two houses worth of yard work (the one we live in and the one we're trying to sell), doctor and dentist appointments, bills to pay, groceries to buy, books to read, shows to catch up on, etc. etc. etc. Weeks and months pass in a whirlwind, and I periodically find myself taking an unexpected day off when I get sick because my body just can't keep up. (But do I really rest on these days? Of course not! They are opportunities to catch up on reading...)
I'm not alone in the modern curse of overcommitment, and I realize that I did (and continue to do) this to myself. I'm not complaining, though it may sound like I am. I suppose I am observing, as I occasionally do, that the time has come to put on the brakes and simplify my life for a while. The show I'm in is my fourth in a year with virtually no breaks between, so maybe it's time to take a month or two off from community theater. Maybe I'll game a little less. Maybe I'll stop pushing myself so hard at work. I want to spend more time enjoying the burgeoning Spring and share more time with my wife. For a while, I want to do less and be more. I want to be more like the swan.
I know it won't last: too much relaxation makes me restless. I've done this before, and I inevitably reach a point where I feel like a slacker for not having an overfull schedule. The type-A overachiever in me would rather feel exhausted than feel lazy, so my fallow periods tend to be short and widely-spaced. It won't be long before I'm ramping back up to the frenetic pace I'm accustomed to, but in the meantime, I think I'll take a few long walks, enjoy some sunshine and smell a few flowers. It probably won't stick, but it'll be a pleasant change while it lasts.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Spring Awakening
Springtime has come to New England at last. Today it was 70 degrees and sunny, the snow has melted (except for that pesky pile at the bottom of the driveway that was up over 8 feet tall), and the first signs of green are starting to appear at the tips of branches everywhere. It is a time of rebirth and renewal, a season of looking forward to the possibilities of the year ahead.
Maybe that's why my mind is full of thoughts of personal development. With the winter coming to an end, I find myself thinking about self-improvement projects and trying to decide how best to spend my precious free time. This past year has seen the re-introduction of community theater to my life, but I would really like to learn something new.
For several years now, I have been considering getting a master's degree, but I have yet to commit to doing that, for various reasons. Part of my reluctance is the expense. My company has an education reimbursement policy, which is awesome, but it only covers part of the expense. That is, unless I want to take six to ten years to finish the degree. There is also my uncertainty about the topic of study. A degree in Computer Science, particularly software development, is an obvious choice, since I'm a professional software engineer. A master's degree can only deepen the skills that I depend on to keep a roof over my head, and perhaps it would prepare me for moving farther up the professional ladder. But, I have other interests, and part of me thinks a master's degree would be a good opportunity to change the direction of my life and branch out into something totally new.
My return to the community theater stage -- a return I will refrain from describing as triumphant for now -- also has me thinking about ways to improve my theater skills. My voice lessons have certainly been helpful, but I keep wondering if taking a music class or two, learning how to read music better and refining my ear would be a useful investment of time. Or at least a satisfying and rewarding one. It might help me with the period I've experienced in each of the shows I've been in, where I struggle to master the group numbers and sound truly wretched for weeks on end. I also wonder about taking acting classes. I think I'm a good actor, but there is always room for improvement. If I'm going to stay active in community theater, it would probably be a good idea to get training and move beyond the modicum of talent that I have relied on thus far. Especially since there are some great parts that I would love to get, in some popular shows being done in the upcoming year.
Lastly, I still sometimes dream of writing a novel. This dream is the hardest for me to think about, because I've had it for so long. I've read a lot of advice on the topic of writing a novel. I'm a member of a couple of mailing lists for writers, and I've enrolled in -- but never finished -- a novel-writing class. I have a mostly-finished manuscript sitting in a box, but I haven't looked at it in a long time. I am published, due to contributions to several gaming supplements back in the late 90's, but I have yet to give my inner storyteller permission to embark on that honored form of narrative expression. In part, I think I fear the time commitment, and I also fear that the end result won't be worth the paper it's written on -- there's an expression that needs updating. I had hoped that this blog would stir me into action on the writing front, and it has to a degree, but I need to make writing a more important part of my life before I'll be even remotely ready to tackle something as demanding as a novel.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't confess that a small part of me just wants to coast and enjoy Spring as it unfolds. The breezes are mild, the flowers are blooming, and the birds are singing, all of which makes it easy to just breathe deeply and live in the moment. And while I agree with my wife that I could stand to have a little more of that in my life, no bird ever learned to fly by just sitting around in the nest all the time. Time to spread my wings -- no one's going to do it for me.
Maybe that's why my mind is full of thoughts of personal development. With the winter coming to an end, I find myself thinking about self-improvement projects and trying to decide how best to spend my precious free time. This past year has seen the re-introduction of community theater to my life, but I would really like to learn something new.
For several years now, I have been considering getting a master's degree, but I have yet to commit to doing that, for various reasons. Part of my reluctance is the expense. My company has an education reimbursement policy, which is awesome, but it only covers part of the expense. That is, unless I want to take six to ten years to finish the degree. There is also my uncertainty about the topic of study. A degree in Computer Science, particularly software development, is an obvious choice, since I'm a professional software engineer. A master's degree can only deepen the skills that I depend on to keep a roof over my head, and perhaps it would prepare me for moving farther up the professional ladder. But, I have other interests, and part of me thinks a master's degree would be a good opportunity to change the direction of my life and branch out into something totally new.
My return to the community theater stage -- a return I will refrain from describing as triumphant for now -- also has me thinking about ways to improve my theater skills. My voice lessons have certainly been helpful, but I keep wondering if taking a music class or two, learning how to read music better and refining my ear would be a useful investment of time. Or at least a satisfying and rewarding one. It might help me with the period I've experienced in each of the shows I've been in, where I struggle to master the group numbers and sound truly wretched for weeks on end. I also wonder about taking acting classes. I think I'm a good actor, but there is always room for improvement. If I'm going to stay active in community theater, it would probably be a good idea to get training and move beyond the modicum of talent that I have relied on thus far. Especially since there are some great parts that I would love to get, in some popular shows being done in the upcoming year.
Lastly, I still sometimes dream of writing a novel. This dream is the hardest for me to think about, because I've had it for so long. I've read a lot of advice on the topic of writing a novel. I'm a member of a couple of mailing lists for writers, and I've enrolled in -- but never finished -- a novel-writing class. I have a mostly-finished manuscript sitting in a box, but I haven't looked at it in a long time. I am published, due to contributions to several gaming supplements back in the late 90's, but I have yet to give my inner storyteller permission to embark on that honored form of narrative expression. In part, I think I fear the time commitment, and I also fear that the end result won't be worth the paper it's written on -- there's an expression that needs updating. I had hoped that this blog would stir me into action on the writing front, and it has to a degree, but I need to make writing a more important part of my life before I'll be even remotely ready to tackle something as demanding as a novel.
Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't confess that a small part of me just wants to coast and enjoy Spring as it unfolds. The breezes are mild, the flowers are blooming, and the birds are singing, all of which makes it easy to just breathe deeply and live in the moment. And while I agree with my wife that I could stand to have a little more of that in my life, no bird ever learned to fly by just sitting around in the nest all the time. Time to spread my wings -- no one's going to do it for me.
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