This past week, I spent a couple of days in Tennessee with most of my immediate family, mourning the passing of my 21-year-old nephew Gerhard Aaron Hummelt. I wasn't going to write about it -- many of the details are private and should be kept so -- but every time I sat down over the past few days to post an entry here, my mind wandered back to this topic and I seem unable to write about anything else at the moment.
I mentioned in my previous post that my nephew had gotten himself into trouble in recent years, and that he was working to put his life back in order. What I didn't really mention were the positive memories I have of him growing up, memories that were brought back in full force when I saw the slide show of photos from his life that was being played at the memorial service. In those photos, he was nearly always smiling, always in the company of his brother and (later) his sister, always excited and energized and happy to be with his family. My memories of him were the same. His energy and exuberance could be a bit overwhelming at times, but he always loved spending time with his family, doing things together.
There were times when my parents brought all three of my sister's children up to Massachusetts for vacations, and I always got a phone call at those times. "Uncle Roger," Gerhard would ask, "are we going to see you while we're in Boston?" Sometimes, the answer was yes and sometimes it was no, depending on how busy my life was at the time, and what commitments I already had. On those occasions when I couldn't make it, Gerhard was never judgmental. A little sad that I wouldn't be joining them, he nonetheless expressed a genuine hope that I'd be able to join them the next time around.
I am ashamed to admit that I rarely looked forward to visiting with my sister's children when they were up this way. (And Michelle, if you read this, I am really sorry about that. Your kids are great. This was my shortcoming, and my loss.) Now that Gerhard is gone, I'm dealing with a bit of personal guilt. I'll never have the chance to make it up to him, but I can change my own behavior going forward. I can learn to focus on the positive, and I can make the most of the opportunities to spend time with my family that come my way. Heck, I can go out of my way to make those opportunities.
In his 21 years on this earth, Gerhard was an inquisitive soul. His thirst for knowledge was unquenchable, and he was always eager to learn. In his untimely departure from this earth, Gerhard taught me that I cannot take family for granted. It's important to make the most of each chance to be together, for there will not always be a next one.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
In Threes
I have heard it said that bad things happen in threes. (I think I've also heard it about good things, but this isn't the week for that, apparently.) I realize that bad things (and good) are happening all the time, but I'm pretty sure the saying is in relation to events with a personal impact. This week, the Universe seems to have decided to reaffirm the triplicity of unfortunate occurrences.
On Wednesday, Tiffany Zellin passed away after a month-long battle with a brain tumor. Tiffany was a new friend, someone I met while part of a production of Cinderella. She was only 30 and just starting a family with her husband Lou. I didn't know her very well, but she always struck me as a vibrant person, full of life and willing to take guff from absolutely no one. The circumstances of her death are truly tragic, and her passing will have a large impact on the ACT Andover family, as she and her husband were part of it for so long. I can't imagine what Lou is going through -- I'd be a useless wreck if I lost my wife -- but my thoughts and wishes go out to him.
Very late Thursday night, Billy Day died after two weeks in the intensive care unit following a nasty fall down a set of stairs that left him with broken ribs, punctured lungs, and a number of other fractured bones. He was a step-uncle, married to my step-mother's sister. He was in his mid-to-late 60's (and it strikes me as sad that I don't know exactly), and I've known him for the past 30 years. He was an incredibly dedicated husband and a fun guy at parties, always quick with a joke and a laugh, always helping to lighten the mood. My stepmother and her whole family have been standing vigil at the hospital ever since he was admitted, and they're devastated by his loss. I am sad that despite various opportunities, I didn't get to know him better.
In the small hours of Friday morning, Gerhardt Hummelt died in a fire. Trapped in a small living space attached to a barn, he was unable to escape the fire that started while he slept, though he was able to call 911 to summon emergency services to deal with the fire before it spread to the nearby house. He was my nephew, and he was only 21. He'd been through some rough patches and had gotten himself into trouble with the law a couple of times, but he was working hard to get his life back on track. It looked like he was making real progress there. My sister is devastated by the loss of her son, and my mother (who lives just down the road from her) is a wreck. I am stunned by the suddenness of it and saddened that I won't get to see what kind of man he managed to make himself into. This morning I have been playing back my memories of him as a child and as a teenager.
Is there sense to be made of these events or the timing of them? Or is the desire for sense just an artifact of being human and grappling with these losses? Any one of these deaths would be trying, but three in rapid succession boggles the mind a little bit. Some people seek strength in God, but as an agnostic that is not my way. I find my strength within, reflecting on how I knew these people who are now gone, thinking about how I might have known them better, and trying to draw on those thoughts to be closer to the people in my life.
I don't know what awaits us beyond death, but if there is some sort of paradise or reward, I hope that Tiffany, Billy and Gerhardt are having a great time there, free from their earthly cares and relieved of the pain they suffered. We who are still here will remember them fondly, share stories about them at gatherings of family and friends, and keep them in our hearts. We won't forget them, and in that respect they will never be gone.
In the meantime, the Universe can go suck an egg.
On Wednesday, Tiffany Zellin passed away after a month-long battle with a brain tumor. Tiffany was a new friend, someone I met while part of a production of Cinderella. She was only 30 and just starting a family with her husband Lou. I didn't know her very well, but she always struck me as a vibrant person, full of life and willing to take guff from absolutely no one. The circumstances of her death are truly tragic, and her passing will have a large impact on the ACT Andover family, as she and her husband were part of it for so long. I can't imagine what Lou is going through -- I'd be a useless wreck if I lost my wife -- but my thoughts and wishes go out to him.
Very late Thursday night, Billy Day died after two weeks in the intensive care unit following a nasty fall down a set of stairs that left him with broken ribs, punctured lungs, and a number of other fractured bones. He was a step-uncle, married to my step-mother's sister. He was in his mid-to-late 60's (and it strikes me as sad that I don't know exactly), and I've known him for the past 30 years. He was an incredibly dedicated husband and a fun guy at parties, always quick with a joke and a laugh, always helping to lighten the mood. My stepmother and her whole family have been standing vigil at the hospital ever since he was admitted, and they're devastated by his loss. I am sad that despite various opportunities, I didn't get to know him better.
In the small hours of Friday morning, Gerhardt Hummelt died in a fire. Trapped in a small living space attached to a barn, he was unable to escape the fire that started while he slept, though he was able to call 911 to summon emergency services to deal with the fire before it spread to the nearby house. He was my nephew, and he was only 21. He'd been through some rough patches and had gotten himself into trouble with the law a couple of times, but he was working hard to get his life back on track. It looked like he was making real progress there. My sister is devastated by the loss of her son, and my mother (who lives just down the road from her) is a wreck. I am stunned by the suddenness of it and saddened that I won't get to see what kind of man he managed to make himself into. This morning I have been playing back my memories of him as a child and as a teenager.
Is there sense to be made of these events or the timing of them? Or is the desire for sense just an artifact of being human and grappling with these losses? Any one of these deaths would be trying, but three in rapid succession boggles the mind a little bit. Some people seek strength in God, but as an agnostic that is not my way. I find my strength within, reflecting on how I knew these people who are now gone, thinking about how I might have known them better, and trying to draw on those thoughts to be closer to the people in my life.
I don't know what awaits us beyond death, but if there is some sort of paradise or reward, I hope that Tiffany, Billy and Gerhardt are having a great time there, free from their earthly cares and relieved of the pain they suffered. We who are still here will remember them fondly, share stories about them at gatherings of family and friends, and keep them in our hearts. We won't forget them, and in that respect they will never be gone.
In the meantime, the Universe can go suck an egg.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Easily Distracted
I realized tonight that it's been nearly a week since my last post. I was a little surprised to discover that. When I started this blog, I was all fired up and it seemed I had plenty to write about. I posted every other day for a while. And then a week went by.
In the grand scheme of things, I realize a week's not a big deal. Lots of things happen less frequently. But I found myself wondering why I waited so long after a strong start. (And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one judging that, but I tend to overanalyze pretty much everyThing I do.)
Looking back on this past week, I see that I worked a lot to get some project tasks completed on schedule -- part of trying to look good at the new job. I went to the Wincentennial show, had a dinner party with friends, saw a movie and spent a lot of time lounging with my wife (an important activity in its own right). I shoveled about a metric ton of snow and chopped about 100 cubic feet of ice off my driveway. All in all, it was a fairly active week.
But even in the midst of all that, it can't be that hard to find an hour every other day or so, can it? Of course it can't. The problem is that I tend to be, as the title says, easily distracted. Often, when I'm working on task A, I find myself thinking about task B or coming up with ideas for task C. When I'm writing code at work, I have ideas for my D&D campaign and want to write them up. When I get ready to sit down at home to write up those ideas, I decide instead to get caught up on a month's worth of web comics or spend hours catching up on recorded TV shows. And when I set out to watch TV, I find my mind wandering to the latest problem at work and what I'll do to solve it.
This doesn't happen all the time, obviously, or else I'd never get anything done. But it happens often enough that I've noticed the pattern. (In fact, I've written this post while watching TV with my wife, doing laundry, checking on the Superbowl score and eating dinner; it's taken a few hours to finish.) Maybe being more aware of it, I will spend less time being distracted and more time achieving focus on the task at hand. And who knows, maybe staying focused on one thing at a time will actually make it easier to get more done.
In the grand scheme of things, I realize a week's not a big deal. Lots of things happen less frequently. But I found myself wondering why I waited so long after a strong start. (And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one judging that, but I tend to overanalyze pretty much everyThing I do.)
Looking back on this past week, I see that I worked a lot to get some project tasks completed on schedule -- part of trying to look good at the new job. I went to the Wincentennial show, had a dinner party with friends, saw a movie and spent a lot of time lounging with my wife (an important activity in its own right). I shoveled about a metric ton of snow and chopped about 100 cubic feet of ice off my driveway. All in all, it was a fairly active week.
But even in the midst of all that, it can't be that hard to find an hour every other day or so, can it? Of course it can't. The problem is that I tend to be, as the title says, easily distracted. Often, when I'm working on task A, I find myself thinking about task B or coming up with ideas for task C. When I'm writing code at work, I have ideas for my D&D campaign and want to write them up. When I get ready to sit down at home to write up those ideas, I decide instead to get caught up on a month's worth of web comics or spend hours catching up on recorded TV shows. And when I set out to watch TV, I find my mind wandering to the latest problem at work and what I'll do to solve it.
This doesn't happen all the time, obviously, or else I'd never get anything done. But it happens often enough that I've noticed the pattern. (In fact, I've written this post while watching TV with my wife, doing laundry, checking on the Superbowl score and eating dinner; it's taken a few hours to finish.) Maybe being more aware of it, I will spend less time being distracted and more time achieving focus on the task at hand. And who knows, maybe staying focused on one thing at a time will actually make it easier to get more done.
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