Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Two Years?

Since my last post, I've occasionally had thoughts along the lines of "It's been a while since I've posted on my blog. I should get back to that."  Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the blog had lain fallow for a much longer time than I ever intended, but I was really shocked to discover just how long it had been when I randomly checked in tonight.  The fact that it's May 1st when my last post occurred on April 30th (albeit, two years ago) seemed like a bit of a sign: ignore the last digit of the year, and it's like I just posted yesterday.  So, I thought I'd act on that thought that's been recurring from time to time.

The past couple of years have been a whirlwind of positive and negative events -- several fun shows, the passing of close family, a new job -- and I'll work through some of that in the weeks ahead via the electrons on this virtual page.  Recently, I've been feeling the creative impulse again and looking for an outlet I don't get in my daily job.  My high-stress, fast-paced, overworked job.  I know I'm not the only one, and I raise my fist in solidarity to all those friends as stressed out as I am, but I've got to find a way to restore some balance in order to preserve my sanity (and my marriage!).  Finding -- no, making -- time to write is one way I hope to do that.

Maybe I'll work through the Artist's Way again, and maybe this time I'll get past Chapter 3.  :-)

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Seeking Simplicity

A few days ago, as I sat in my motionless car waiting for traffic on the surprisingly congested, fog-shrouded back road to move so that I could get to work, I happened to glance to my right at the pond that stood beside the road.  The water was still in the cool morning air, a thin mist rising from it as the first shafts of the morning sun penetrated the branches of the surrounding pine trees.  A swan sat serenely swimming (say that five times fast), fluffing its feathers, oblivious to the world beyond its immediate surroundings.

As I gazed upon the swan, I found myself envious of the simplicity of the scene, struck anew by a desire to simplify my life.  I say "anew" because it's not the first time I've wished my life were simpler.  I also know that I'm not the first (nor will I be the last) to make that wish.  We live in frenetic -- nay, frenzied -- times, and it seems easier than ever to get caught up in the cycle of day-to-day responsibilities and activities, running from one thing to the next with barely a pause for breath.

I'm sure the litany of things that consume my time would be similar to that of many of my friends.  There's work (of course), gaming, theater rehearsals, family gatherings and events, outings with friends, two houses worth of yard work (the one we live in and the one we're trying to sell), doctor and dentist appointments, bills to pay, groceries to buy, books to read, shows to catch up on, etc. etc. etc.  Weeks and months pass in a whirlwind, and I periodically find myself taking an unexpected day off when I get sick because my body just can't keep up.  (But do I really rest on these days?  Of course not!  They are opportunities to catch up on reading...)

I'm not alone in the modern curse of overcommitment, and I realize that I did (and continue to do) this to myself.  I'm not complaining, though it may sound like I am.  I suppose I am observing, as I occasionally do, that the time has come to put on the brakes and simplify my life for a while.  The show I'm in is my fourth in a year with virtually no breaks between, so maybe it's time to take a month or two off from community theater.  Maybe I'll game a little less.  Maybe I'll stop pushing myself so hard at work.  I want to spend more time enjoying the burgeoning Spring and share more time with my wife.  For a while, I want to do less and be more.  I want to be more like the swan.

I know it won't last: too much relaxation makes me restless.  I've done this before, and I inevitably reach a point where I feel like a slacker for not having an overfull schedule.  The type-A overachiever in me would rather feel exhausted than feel lazy, so my fallow periods tend to be short and widely-spaced.  It won't be long before I'm ramping back up to the frenetic pace I'm accustomed to, but in the meantime, I think I'll take a few long walks, enjoy some sunshine and smell a few flowers.  It probably won't stick, but it'll be a pleasant change while it lasts.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Spring Awakening

Springtime has come to New England at last. Today it was 70 degrees and sunny, the snow has melted (except for that pesky pile at the bottom of the driveway that was up over 8 feet tall), and the first signs of green are starting to appear at the tips of branches everywhere. It is a time of rebirth and renewal, a season of looking forward to the possibilities of the year ahead.

Maybe that's why my mind is full of thoughts of personal development. With the winter coming to an end, I find myself thinking about self-improvement projects and trying to decide how best to spend my precious free time. This past year has seen the re-introduction of community theater to my life, but I would really like to learn something new.

For several years now, I have been considering getting a master's degree, but I have yet to commit to doing that, for various reasons. Part of my reluctance is the expense. My company has an education reimbursement policy, which is awesome, but it only covers part of the expense. That is, unless I want to take six to ten years to finish the degree. There is also my uncertainty about the topic of study. A degree in Computer Science, particularly software development, is an obvious choice, since I'm a professional software engineer. A master's degree can only deepen the skills that I depend on to keep a roof over my head, and perhaps it would prepare me for moving farther up the professional ladder. But, I have other interests, and part of me thinks a master's degree would be a good opportunity to change the direction of my life and branch out into something totally new.

My return to the community theater stage -- a return I will refrain from describing as triumphant for now -- also has me thinking about ways to improve my theater skills. My voice lessons have certainly been helpful, but I keep wondering if taking a music class or two, learning how to read music better and refining my ear would be a useful investment of time. Or at least a satisfying and rewarding one. It might help me with the period I've experienced in each of the shows I've been in, where I struggle to master the group numbers and sound truly wretched for weeks on end. I also wonder about taking acting classes. I think I'm a good actor, but there is always room for improvement. If I'm going to stay active in community theater, it would probably be a good idea to get training and move beyond the modicum of talent that I have relied on thus far. Especially since there are some great parts that I would love to get, in some popular shows being done in the upcoming year.

Lastly, I still sometimes dream of writing a novel. This dream is the hardest for me to think about, because I've had it for so long. I've read a lot of advice on the topic of writing a novel. I'm a member of a couple of mailing lists for writers, and I've enrolled in -- but never finished -- a novel-writing class. I have a mostly-finished manuscript sitting in a box, but I haven't looked at it in a long time. I am published, due to contributions to several gaming supplements back in the late 90's, but I have yet to give my inner storyteller permission to embark on that honored form of narrative expression. In part, I think I fear the time commitment, and I also fear that the end result won't be worth the paper it's written on -- there's an expression that needs updating. I had hoped that this blog would stir me into action on the writing front, and it has to a degree, but I need to make writing a more important part of my life before I'll be even remotely ready to tackle something as demanding as a novel.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't confess that a small part of me just wants to coast and enjoy Spring as it unfolds. The breezes are mild, the flowers are blooming, and the birds are singing, all of which makes it easy to just breathe deeply and live in the moment. And while I agree with my wife that I could stand to have a little more of that in my life, no bird ever learned to fly by just sitting around in the nest all the time. Time to spread my wings -- no one's going to do it for me.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Hell is Other Drivers

I hope that Jean-Paul Sartre will forgive my paraphrasing of his title, but I generally like people, and it's only certain types who get my back up.  In this case, other drivers.  Specifically, drivers who wield their high-speed, ton-weight missiles of destruction without respect for the damage they can cause.

Now, I don't claim to be the best or safest driver out there.  I usually drive a bit over the speed limit, and I have been known to change lanes without signaling.  (Hey, in New England, signaling a lane change is considered divulging secrets to the enemy...)  But for some reason, I have noticed a particularly high rate of driving idiocy lately.  Maybe the arrival of Spring is messing with everyone's mind or something, but today was a particularly bad day, and I saw several head-shake-worthy events in the span of 30 minutes.

First was the woman in the SUV who approached the intersection where I was stopped from the perpendicular street just as the light turned green for me.  I started to pull forward, and she decided that "right on red after a full stop" meant it was okay to peel out (in an SUV!) to get in front of me before I crossed the remaining 25 feet of the intersection I was already moving through.  Luckily, I wasn't moving that fast yet and was able to tap the brakes and avoid a collision. (Although, my car *is* getting on in years and miles...)

Then came the guy who blew past me on 495 as if I were standing still when I was actually going about 80 miles per hour.  Now, being passed on the highway isn't all that unusual.  But, being passed at really high speed on the right-hand side as I'm changing into the center lane by a guy who is also moving into the center lane without signaling (see previous comment about divulging secrets to the enemy) after whipping around a panel van traveling in the center lane is a bit eyebrow-raising.  Luckily I wasn't further into the middle lane when he went flying past, or I might be in a hospital somewhere instead of writing this.

Lastly, there was the idiot backing up in the breakdown lane trying to get to the exit he just passed.  There was a lot of traffic on the highway, including people getting off at that exit every few seconds, and he was just blithely backing up as if he had all the right in the world to be traveling opposite the direction of traffic. On the highway.  Really?  Is it so hard to just continue down to the next exit and turn around, rather than doing the one thing every high school driver's education class clearly stresses you must NEVER EVER do? People like that cause stupid accidents that kill other people and then don't have the good grace to die in the accidents they cause.

Okay, I don't really wish anyone to die, but stupid, dangerous driving gets under my skin. I sometimes wish I were empowered as a secret, civilian traffic agent, so that I could pull people over, berate them and then write them tickets.  Hmmm, I wonder if I could pitch that to the state as an alternative revenue stream for them. I wonder what the certification process would be...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Geeking Out A Bit

As I write this, tens of thousands of people are missing and presumed (or confirmed) dead in Japan due to the 5th most powerful earthquake in recorded history and the tsunami that it produced.  It's a tragedy of literally biblical proportions, and my thoughts and wishes go out to everyone suffering in the wake of the event.  But, this space has been filled with words of sadness and grief of late (when there have been words, that is), so I will not dwell on that tragedy at this time.

This past weekend, I celebrated my geek and gamer side in an epic fashion: I attended PAX East in Boston.

For those who don't know, I have been a gamer for most of my life. I have whiled away hours, days, weeks and years on various types of gaming pursuits, filling up what time I could spare on flights of fancy.  Early on it was computer games, mostly single-player turn based simulations like the famous Civilization franchise and sometimes first-person-perspective shooting games like Half-Life.  I never quite made the leap to the massively multi-player online games that are so popular these days.

As computer games surrendered their place of honor in my mind, collectible card games took their place.  For years and years I got together with small groups of friends and played cards.  We primarily played Magic: the Gathering, but we made occasional forays into Vampire: the Eternal Struggle, Star Wars, Star Trek, Wyvern, the Lord of the Rings card game, and others whose titles I have since forgotten.

My tastes continued to evolve, however, and I stopped playing collectible card games.  (Influenced in no small amount by the fact that the cost of keeping up with the ever-changing landscape of Magic cards can be *really* expensive. Luckily, I got into the game early and had a lot of collectible cards that eventually were worth a fortune on the secondary market -- I'm pretty sure I broke even or made a small profit on my collection overall.)  For the past couple of years, I've really gotten into board games.  Not the standard fare that we're all familiar with from our childhoods -- Monopoly, Scrabble, and so forth -- but a wide range of games of various styles and flavors that come out of the renaissance of board games that has sprung up these past 15 years or so.  Strategy games, horror games, deckbuilding games, cooperative games, dice games, tile-playing games, resource management games.  I've discovered a love of pretty much anything that helps me get 6 friends together around the table for some fun and laughter, and maybe a beer or two.

As my gaming tastes wandered through those three massive territories of the mind, however, my foundation was always roleplaying games.  It started when a friend introduced me to Dungeons and Dragons when I was 13 years old, and I've been playing these games ever since -- usually D&D, but I have tried a double handful of other games over the years.  Roleplaying games engage my creative side and let me get together regularly with close friends to build entire worlds of shared imagination and cooperatively tell stories about heroism in the face of adversity, generosity in the face of loss, and the victory of light over the forces of darkness.  How cool is that? Especially the getting together with friends part.

PAX East was a celebration of all that love of gaming, in the company of a few tens of thousands of people of like mind.  (At last count, almost 70,000 people attended -- it was the largest gaming convention in the U.S.!)  The lines for events were often long, and the food in the convention hall was too expensive, but in the face of the veritable tidal wave of shared joy concentrated in that massive building, these petty irritations were easily ignored.  I spent most of three full days with a couple of close friends and smaller amounts of time with other friends I encountered while there, but I had something in common with everyone who attended: we loved games.  It didn't matter if we played the same games or not. We had a shared vocabulary, and a shared understanding of the importance of a little fun with friends.

I could go into the details of what I did over the weekend -- the panels I attended, the games I played, the game I ran for a fun group of total strangers when the event organizers ran short of people to help run the event, my fanboy moment -- but such minutiae don't really communicate the power of the experience.  I grew closer to the two friends who attended the convention with me as we gamed together, ate meals together, and talked about everything under the sun while waiting in line together.  I discovered a few new friendships that have the potential to become real ones.  I witnessed the amazing ability of 70,000 people to gather in one place without (as far as I ever heard or saw) any incidents of theft or violence against one another.

And in the midst of this exuberant celebration of fantasy, I witnessed an uncommon outpouring of generosity. There were event attendees selling home-baked goods to raise money to donate to a children's charity.  People who had spent hundreds and hundred of dollars to travel to Boston for the weekend and were spending a small fortune for meals for a few days found a few dollars to give to homeless people they encountered on the nearby streets.  By the end of the weekend, a coalition of gaming companies and game distributors had set up a system through which gamers could contribute to help alleviate the suffering in Japan caused by the earthquake that had happened just a couple of days before.  Despite all the time gamers spend exploring imaginary worlds, many of us care about and give back to the real world we all have to live in. 

There's a funny quote in an old X-Files episode that features a gamer in a not-so-complimentary light. After telling Mulder about some daring actions he took, the gamer character says "I didn't play Dungeons and Dragons all those years and not learn something about bravery." That might not be an exact quote, of course; it's been years since I watched the episode.  As amusing as the moment is (and I confess, I laughed), there's a bit of truth at the heart of it.  Many of the games I play feature triumphing over adversity, putting an end to something horrible, pitting the limited resources of the heroes against the forces of evil and/or nature despite long odds of success, and that can easily translate to the real world.  I may not wear steel armor and carry a sword with which to smite villains, and I may not be able to cast magical spells to reshape the fabric of reality, but I am not helpless against the evils of our day and age.  I have money, time and compassion.  These are powerful weapons, and I am not afraid to use them.